im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize