So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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