I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Two words: nipple clamps
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