I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
