my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
