I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
