I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
