how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize