He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
