Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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