I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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