The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
