That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
