hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
