I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
