You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
