Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
