Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
