I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
