worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
