Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
