I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Randomize
