At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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