Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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