this boner is exhausting
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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