she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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