you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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