Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize