youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Randomize