im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
