i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
