we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
