your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Randomize
