why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
