If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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