Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
