well you can't waste a boner
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
