Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
