Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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