If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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