I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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