Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
