Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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