just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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