so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you traded sex for a burrito?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
