So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
