so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
either way he was missing a nipple.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
