I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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