its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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