I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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