Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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