And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
