I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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