people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
that is very illegal...i love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
