we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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