it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
