...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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