Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize