To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
