My liver just broke up with me...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
