It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
