He uses pillows to masturbate.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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