All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
