we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
