I don't think brook has ever known best
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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