just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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