before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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