your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i may or may not be watching the land before time
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
